Words

Why is it that the non-affirming words stick harder and longer than the affirming ones? Once, I heard that for every negative comment said to you or about you, it takes a minimum of seven to negate that one. Not sure I buy into that. Over the years, I have had so many affirming and positive comments said to me. In my file box there was a file chock full of them that I could go back and read when I felt worthless. It was so full I quit keeping most of them. When I retired they went away with so many of my other things, because I rarely looked at them but knew they were there. The non-affirming words would play like a broken record in my head. My heart knew they were bogus, yet my head wanted me to know differently.

Ever have this happen to you? I hope I’m not alone in this.

Relationships and relationship building are my life theme. In ministry and in life, I work hard at creating and keeping relationships. Sometimes, not too often, they go south. I do not take that lightly. It weighs on my soul. Especially the one, or ones, that cannot be repaired in any way.

My love language is not words of affirmation. They fall on deaf ears. Not because I want to dismiss them, but because the words of non-affirmation drown them out. I work at this. Yet, those words are loud even though they can be decades old. A few are a bit closer to today.

My friend Julie gave me a very good devotional book for me. Every morning for two years now I read a page from You Are Beloved by Henri J. Nouwen. It helps. A good way to start off my day. I like reading Kate Bowler, and will go meet her and get her latest book signed next month, too. She is real. Honest. Forthcoming. I appreciate that.

If you ever struggle with that record playing in your head that needs to be scratched and thrown out, check out Henri Nouwen and Kate Bowler. Today I read, by Nouwen: “When everything is dark, when we are surrounded by despairing voices, when we do not see any exits, then we can find salvation in a remembered love, a love that is not simply a wistful recollection of a bygone past, but a living force that susains us in the present. Through memory, love transcends the limits of time and offeres hope at any moment of our lives.”

This is why I love scrapbooking so much. I can look back at that living force of love that sustains me in the present seeing my kids and grandkids and friends who share God’s love with me whether they know it or not. It sustains me.

Find what sustains you. Stay close to Christ. Have a daily, loving devotion to read to remind you that you are loved, you are the beloved. As the Via de Cristo phrase goes, “God loves you and so do I!” And, I mean that wholeheartedly.